The Only Link I Care About This Week
Eyes widened in excitement when I saw that ‘Dior and I’ was now on Hulu (and maybe has been for a very long time?).
One of my favorite fashion docs on Raf Simons’ brief but beautiful time at Dior. Anticipating a rewatch this weekend what will surely result in feelings of inspiration, loss, and general self reflection. Join me, won’t you?
The Only Recipe I Care About This Week
This was the featured cocktail at my most recent dinner party. I used the very, very, very smoky mezcal my sister gave me as a gift last Christmas. I love mezcal, but the balance of adding some lime and cucumber made this bottle much more drinkable. (¡Cuidado!)
Cucumber Basil Mezcal Cocktail
By: Me
INGREDIENTS (makes one)
1 lime, cut into wedges
A handful of basil leaves
1 Persian cucumber, cut into chunks
1 oz simple syrup
2 oz mezcal (or tequila)
INSTRUCTIONS
Put the lime wedges, basil and cucumber into a shaker and muddle well. Really give it a good crushing. Tbt to all of the 2020 infographics explaining how long we should be washing our hands. Think that. But longer.
Fill the shaker with ice. Pour in the mezcal and the simple syrup.
Lid on. Shake shake shake shake shake. Until it’s too cold to hold.
Strain over a salt rimmed glass with some more ice. Impress your friends with the really big cubes. Or is that cringey now? I still think they’re nice.
Enjoy!
Plus a little more…
I went to a wedding last weekend and picked up on an interesting conversation topic trend. I’m always interested in the commonalities of small talk that comes with specific life markers.
Senior year of high school: How are applications going? Have you heard back yet?
The summer between high school and college: Are you excited? Do you know who you’re rooming with?
After college: What’s the plan? Are you moving back home? Where are you working now?
I can so clearly remember all of my rote answers to each of these questions being asked again and again and again, mostly by well meaning adults. I specifically remember feeling particularly insecure about my answer to the “Where are you working now?” question after I had graduated with a degree in fashion and was working in a job that couldn’t have been farther from a degree in fashion. But then, that insecurity felt so much less heavy after a family friend asked me that exact same question three weeks in a row after church. And it hit me: how could this man possibly be judging my career path as harshly as my insecurity is telling me that he is when he does not even remember the answer to this question he’s asked me three weeks in a row? Relief! (Just in case this needs to be explicitly stated: none of the answers to any of those questions are right or wrong. We’re all exactly where we need to be and there is not correct or incorrect timeline to life. We all know that, right? K good.)
Even more horrifyingly, I find myself asking the same questions now. I cringe at the words that come out of my mouth when I blithely ask the children of my friends “Are you excited to go into jr. high?!” Then again, we’re human beings in the world! Asking these questions is what we do! Half out of laziness and lack of desire to dig a little deeper into the conversation pool; half because I really do want to know if you guys are thinking about getting engaged soon and if you are planning on having another kid! I’m sorry! But how are those questions that are supposed to be off limits forever just because they are obvious and repetitive?
Anyway, back to last weekend. As a single, childless, thirty year old*, I get to dodge the obvious questions that I assume my seriously dating, married, or parent friends are being asked. Lucky me! I’m not currently feeling any pressure to produce grandkids or cagily dodge engagement timeline questions etc. On the flipside, without those obvious conversation starters, I have found that people simply do not know what to say to woman in my life stage. There just aren’t many low hanging fruit topics. People know that I have a job that I go to every day and I probably eat dinner every night, but besides that, what the hell else could I possibly do with alllllll that free time?!
So, recently, I’ve found myself regularly being asked a new question:
When are you moving? [far away]
If you are reading this from anywhere besides Southern California, the regional nuances of why this question could be very annoying and low key offensive to me may be hard to translate. But I’m going to do my best:
Imagine growing up in a town that has flaws (all of us). A town that, over the course of your life, but especially in the last 10-15 years, has rapidly grown in population and simultaneously gotten more and more expensive to live in. You have no kids and no husband. You may even have really put an effort into dating but come up with nada. You are, what people perceive to be, an interesting person with a level of curiosity and desire to be a multifaceted, contributing member of society, culture and community. You look around one day and decide this town is no longer for you. So, you move to (insert any metropolitan city here). You love it your new home! You can’t believe you ever lived in such a small minded, material driven, morally corrupt, expensive town. So much so, that the next time you interact with literally anyone who may be in a similar life stage and still lives in that town (Julia enters stage right), you make it a point to tell them that they are MISSING OUT on LIFE!!! To ask them why on earth they still live in the SQUALOR of such a vapid place. You tell them they MUST move out to SAVE THEIR SOUL and to ever possibly be FULLY REALIZED as a single, childless, adult woman. You tell them that they are missing out the BIG WORLD THAT THEY ARE SO CLEARLY BLIND TO!!!!!
What bothers me so deeply here are the assumptions that this line of questioning is making on my behalf.
Assumptions:
That ones full potential may only be realized based on/in certain geographical points.
That anyone must be unsatisfied in a town that others may have found themselves unsatisfied in.
That singleness is a problem that needs to be fixed and the only way to go about that is by physically uprooting an entire life to try out a new Bumble demographic in a different city.
That the acknowledgement of the flaws and strengths of a city can only truly be evaluated from a distance.
That physical proximity to family and friends with its downfalls versus a more solo life with its upsides is already a bargain that you have settled with for the time being.
That the idea of moving far, far, far away and creating a new life for oneself isn’t something that one may be regularly wrestling with.
These assumptions are a very prescriptive and annoying way of getting at what I’m sure most are actually wanting for you: to be happy.
Here are a list of suggested questions you can ask a single, childless thirty year old instead:
Read anything good lately?
What is something you’re looking forward to in the next few months?
What have you enjoyed about your life lately?
What is something you have done you are proud of?
Are there any ideas, dreams, goals that you’re currently thinking about/working on that you’d be willing to share me?
On a scale of from Very Hard to Very Easy, how are you feeling like life is for you at the moment?
Are you happy?
Better yet, is life joyful?
I promise, you will get good answers. And you will leave the single, childless, thirty year old feeling more cared for and more reflective than if you just told her that Costa Mesa is the worst.
*Take a shot every time she mentions it
Dear Home Ec,
Casual sneakers for fall?
From, Tennis Shoes in TX
Great question, Tennis Shoes in Texas. My assumption was that you traded in all your shoes for Cowboy boots when you left California for Texas but it sounds like I’m a bit off? Back to the sneaker life, I see?
My recommendations here are going to be simple and obvious. The older I get, the more I realize my style really does always come back to simple and obvious. But maybe this is what you need from me? To tell you that the thing you already own or were about to re-buy for the fourth year in a row is just fine and if it’s working for your arches, don’t question it! (You know how I feel about arch support…). Or maybe, this isn’t simple and obvious and shoes are a daunting decision in your life on top of a bigger pile of daunting decisions! Let me check something simple off the list for you.
Vans. This is my first thought always. I think it’s the Orange County in me. My association of September tied very closely to a fresh box of vans. Even though, the very first pair I every bought for myself was… in 2020 (these). They seem to be on the tail end of a capital F Fashion resurgence, but they are kind of just an evergreen shoe, if you live anywhere south of LA. (It also looks like everything is 25% off on their site right now!)
Superga. Another what you see is what you get shoe. But the fact that they are an originally French brand gives them… how you say… a bit of je ne sais quoi. I have an all white pair and I have an all black pair and they a perfect sneakers + dress shoe. I wore them all around Italy for two weeks straight and didn’t get a single blister. This feels still very impossible. But I can only share my own lived experience.
See also: SeaVees.
Nikes. A little google pro tip for you — at any give time, use the search term “Nike Heritage Women’s Sneakers” and great everyday sneaker options will be served to you on a primary colored platter. But honestly, just scrolling through their new arrivals right now, I’m having a hard time not adding a loooot of these to my cart. These. And these. And these. And these. And these. And these. If you’re partial to a competitor here, i.e. adidas, reebok, new balance, I’m not going to be the one to try and sway you from your loyal roots. That’s just now how I prefer to live my life. Go forth in whatever mass produced, hype beasty tennis shoe suits your arches and vibe best.
Madewell. True to form, I go back to the safe and loving arms of Madewell’s simple prep again and again. But they really do always have a nice little selection of sneakers that I wouldn’t have had the energy to dig for on my own (read: not Vans, Supergas or Nikes). I did just purchase these only yesterday. A nice balance of weird and cute enough. In a panic, I went with white? Against all odds, opting out of the green. They’re still in the mail, so I’ll keep you posted.
That’s all I’ve got, tbh! May the Lord bless and keep you and your arches! My prayer for you always!
To submit your very own question or concern to Dear Home Ec, simply reply to this email with your query and I will happily add you to the list.